I bought another jacket today, adding on to my mini-jackets collection. A lil' guilty, but well, it only cost 10bucks okay. What's more, it's military style aye. Justified right? Yes. I love Bugis Street much. Also not forgetting the ever awesome Forever 21. Hahaha. However, what's important was that I completed what was on my agenda today, & that was to get Mummy's Mother's day & birthday present (Y) Restaurant's booked for dinner with the mother, brother and sister-in-law on Sunday. We're having seafoooooooood! Yumsss.
The only downside is that I won't be able to go to SP on Sunday to try out my latest set of cheer uniform so that the tailor can make changes if any. Which also mean that I won't get to see my Poly/Ite cluster, & many others! & will also not be able to practice some partner stunts :/ I'm going to miss them much. But thank goodness there's training on Monday :D
School's been really stressful & I'm almost all worn out. Training thrice a week, 4/5 days of 9am tutorials, tight schedules & deadlines are sure no easy feat. I thank God for pulling me through week 3. It's mad hectic. I'm fatigued. The coming weeks... I can only imagine.
P.S. I never had the intention of creating a blogwar. I just dint like you assuming that I was writing about you to gain pity or whatsoever. Because I knew that writing about whatever was happening between us was not going to help. Because I knew that it was only going to make you angrier. Likewise, I thought you were the one person who knew me best, cause we grew up together. Yes, we fought much, but also because of that, we understood each other better. How similar yet different we are. I love everything about us. But I just don't like it when you assume things about me, since a long time ago. Cause most of the times, I'm not what you assumed I am. But I choose to keep mum about it because that's the way it's been since we were young. Maybe cause I feared you, not in the bad way, but because I looked up to you as a big sister.
I'm thankful for the family you gave me, cause as you know, mine's really not much of one. But saying that I was making use of you, & that your parents thought so too. That really broke me. Cause I can't figure out why. I may not be the best sister around, I may not give you the best advice nor comfort when you needed it, but I tried my best. It's not easy. Up till today, I still don't know/get why we fell out. I really don't.
I kept believing that whatever was happening was only temporary as well, I told myself that everyday. Cause that's how I kept myself functioning. Up till your second call to screw me up again. I was in the midst of a meeting, & I had to sit back in after you hung up on me again, acting like I was fine. Honestly, you should know, I'm not as strong as I look to be. It was tough, but I thought if you could cut me out just like that, then I can as well. & likewise again, it only means I'm hurting as much as you do.
I just badly wanted my life to be normal again. The period after the breakup, I doubt you realised, that I was hurting as well. It doesn't mean that if I don't show it, I am perfectly fine. But you guys were just too worn out dealing with him, I dint want to add on. & you thought I went there just to bump into him? What for? It wasn't my night, it wasn't for me to decide on the venue. But yes, it was my fault to still have gone even though I knew he was going to be there. Call me self-centered, but I just wanted to focus on myself & get myself up again. Partying may not be the best way, but then, I only knew of how to run away & numb myself of all else.
I stuck by all these years, though some times frustrated with your mood swings, because I knew it was only with me. & yes, of course you've put up with mine as well. I don't say much of how I feel, I don't show what's wrong with me because that's the way I was brought up. I don't like to affect people when I'm upset. I think you know that. So maybe sometimes, you feel that I shut you out of my life. Perhaps that's why now I'm nothing but a stranger. I've never gotten over this fight. I merely fought to think of it lesser.