Life is a maze

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

♥ TOTAL BETRAYAL

Crushed.
is my beautiful, initial thoughts of how friendships are.
you spoilt it. totally ruined it.
have you ever thought that your foolish actions
has caused pain and hurt to both estee and me mentally?
maybe it doesnt seem so.
but i can tell you, how upset i was....
when i heard it from an "outsider", rather than you?

any idea what a shock it was?!
you have absolutely no fuckin' idea.
(i must be pretty upset and angry.
nth would have gotten me to use that word "fuck" again. nothing.)

friendship. to me, it's sth very amazing.
beautiful, promising and enjoyable.
well, congrats. you've made it evolved into sth that's,
scarey, threathening and full of thorns.
just why?
there were really things bout you that i alr dint quite like.
but i thought, "hey! everyone has their weaknesses."
however, it has became a nuisance.

why izit that you like to follow things that i do?
why did you took and bought that white skirt without even
tryin' it on after i've decided not to get it?
why did you buy that exact same Von Dutch white skirt
my mum got me after i told you bout it?
(i honestly dint know what gave my mum the idea to)
can you explain why you wanted to ACJC too after estee, yee wen and i
wanted to go there at that time? when you actually wanted to get into
TP cause ya brother, fauzi and nadia wanted to go there?
-the list goes on, but i guess you readers get the jist of it.-

i may seem a lil' ego here. but it's what happened.

cant you have a thinkin' of ya own for once?
things are bad enough that you "follow"
resisting to use the word "copy"
you make it seem as tho you're OH-SO
ORIGINAL
so not.
in council, you try to take on big things.
so that you could get all the credit and let teachers know that u're "capable"
but what does it end up with?
you screw up. screwed up everything.
rmb that particular meet-the-parents session?
i got screamed at by danapal for no rhyme or reason at all.
and you're werent even there to clear up all the shit you've created.
where were you?! some stupid appointment or sth.
what a joke. the planner-cum-overall in-charge wasnt present.
in the end who cleared up all the shit?
isaac, nadia and gwen.
even nadia was mad. yes, nadia. very mad in fact. mind you.
and right after that shit you created, you volunteered for another big thing.
one advice: " dont put on a hat that's too big for ya head."
you get it?

tell me. why izit you wanna create another problem?
and it has alr happened once.
ever heard of "once bitten, twice shy."?
i suppose not.
you've betrayed cailing once alr.
i tink it was bad enough.
but no, it wasnt enough for you.
you had to do it twice?!
now, you've not only betrayed her, but estee and me as well.
you dun even have the cheek to tell us.
and when we confronted you, you jus told us that you
thought it was plain stupidity. that's why you dint tell us.
like, what the f***. what kinda lame excuse is that?
have you got no fucking brains at all that things like this spread?!
i guess you dont.

think, if estee and i dint know.
when school reopens, it'll eventually get to us.
dun you think we'd be too upset and angry that
by that time we wouldnt stand by you if ppl go against you?
whereas, if you have told us. confided in us.
we'd definitely stand by you. tho we know you're in the wrong,
we'd still encourage you and comfort you when you're down.
what are frens for man!? dammit.

you know what my ~~dear friend~~?
i can never trust you again.
i repeat, never.
yes, we may still be frens. estee and i dun wana break our friendship jus like that.
cause unlike you, we treasure our ties.
true, we may still be best friends, close friends, whatever it is.
however, my word stands, i can never trust, or perhaps, fully trust
you ever again.

breaking big promises sure aint a thing you should ever do to ya friends.
or in fact, to anyone. the last thing you should ever do.
pls. really, get a mind of ya own.
think and have ya own style, whatever it is.
stop imitating. you may think you dont.
but hell you do.

i dont deny that i aint angry over what has happened.
but like estee, i still wanna keep the friendship going.
i guess, at least for now.

our friendship's a blur.
incidents that has happened. made me think,
hey! can our friendship carry on? could it last?
i wish it will... i treasure each and every of my friends.
do you?

i really hope you'd change. for the better.
true, other's impressions of you might not be good even if you change.
but as long as you did and you have friend's support.
it's enough.
to jus simply know that you have friends you could depend on.
do you know what a stranger you've became to estee and me after the hols started?
we dont even know what's going on in ya life.
like with that job you got at sentosa?
i needed to know it by chance thru nadia.
and since when you could speak tongues?
i dunno anything bout these, neither does estee.
i dun mean that you must report all the daily meticulous
stuff to us. but you should know.
even things like me getting another earhole pierced i went to you and estee
and went like "hey! i've gotten my 5th earhole!!!"
you see, all these makes a diff.
it keeps the friendship going.
having a boyfriend was a big enough thing but yet
you dint breathe a word.
who have you became to man!?
i dont even recognise you any longer?!
doesnt mean you cant change.
wanna change, go ahead! but change for the better!
tell me, were you even sincere?
when you made those apologies?
why dont we feel it?

you know you shouldnt be spending so much.
but what's with spending like 30plus over in a day?
ever heard of saving?! hello?
even i save. estee too.

well, i really dunno what else to say now.
i've pretty much pour my heart out. and pls, take down that mask u're wearing.
it's all getting too fake.
we all know you too well already.
you try to act oh-so sweet and nice infront of everyone.
it's annoying.
i may have offended you. but i'm speaking the truth.

well, that's all for today.

friendship are forever aye?

-friendship like flowers, blooms ever more fair.
when tended by dear friends who care.-

~~` SEARCH YOUR CONSCIENCE~~

unraveled @ 10:57 PM